guys are not supposed to queef...right?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
