I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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