And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
