We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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