And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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