I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
