Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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