YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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