I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
