I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
