kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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