I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My vagina is very pro this idea
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
