Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
