I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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