If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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