I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
