thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
