Whod you bang
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
