Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
