You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
