God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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