In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize