I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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