everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
