I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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