DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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