I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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