Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
