you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
