I got chris browned last night
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
