in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
