you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
