She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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