sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize