After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
