My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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