he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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