i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
