the condom got lost in my hair
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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