Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
