I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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