Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Randomize
