Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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