Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
