Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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