I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
