dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize