She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
