What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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