My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
