I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
