K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
