im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
