Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
