nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
