so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I've blown a few things in my day
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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