I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
