; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
