I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
