Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
