y did u give ur computer a hand job?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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