watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
