Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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