Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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